And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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