I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
