Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
