Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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