When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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