Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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