He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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