i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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