I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
