Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
