all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
