Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
