Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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