Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
