I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
