We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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