I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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