he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
