I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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