one word: firstdatebathroomanal
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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