If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
