"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
