The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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