i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
