I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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