I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
