i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.