Umm I'm too high to move.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?