Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella