Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper