you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday