Cold hands, warm shart.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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