Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
