BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
