Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
