woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
