It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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