At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My bed smells like the plague
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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