it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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