mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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