I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
