Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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