I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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