Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My feet surprised me
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