The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Alive.
So much puke
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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