I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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