He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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