what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
