so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
