He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
