I wanna bring you to show and tell
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
