She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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