i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
