a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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