He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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