I heard we made out
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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