I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dear god my vagina.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
