fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
