Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
