your room smells of hookers.
And success
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
